Back From the Dark Ages....A Story of Survival

I am back!  It was such a mess, and i am grateful that it was not worse for us here.  My heart goes out to all those that lost SO very much due to the storm.  Our damage here was insignificant in the bug scheme of things.  The lives lost and devastation was mind boggling to see....what i could see, without power for 14 days.  No internet, TV, lights.....it was far from pleasant and yes indeed, i whined a lot!  Not proud of that.  Let's just say i would have made a nightly lousy pioneer woman.  i have a very rough time with winter and the lack of light when things are "normal" here....this darkness by 5:00pm with dimness by 3:30pm was killer.

My iphone was my umbilical cord to the world....poor thing was charged by generator or car charger constantly so i would be able to stay in contact as best i could.  I need new eyeballs....asking santa....as mine are exhausted from viewing that tiny screen.

The winds picked up and it began raining on the afternoon of November 3rd.  By 7:00pm we had been experiencing flickering of the lights....and by 7:45pm we were plunged into what would become 2 full weeks, almost to the hour of living the pioneer life.  We live on acreage and had secured everything as best we could during the morning.  Our driveway (almost a 1/4 mile gravel lane off the street) is lined with 40-50 foot tall pines, as is the perimeter of our pastures and backyard.  They were swaying gracefully starting in late afternoon....by nightfall they were tipping and whipping around in a frenzy.  After losing power and being plunged into interior darkness, i lit candles and sat in the kitchen fiddling around with some editing on my charged up (thankfully) iPad.  Around 10pm, i got up to make myself something hot to drink, the heat was now off, along with the well pump and yep, the toilets. While standing at the sink filling a pot with water (the last in the lines until the generator fired up in the morning) i heard a sickeningly long drawn out cracking sound.  Panicked that a pine was headed in my direction and through the house, i bolted to the middle of the room, when i heard the thud...i put the pot on the stove (thank heaven's for propane!) and grabbed a flashlight.  The first victim of Sandy....a HUGE pine had fallen perfectly placed between the row of pines in the rear yard and the wooden  jungle gym that is the love of Lileigh Grace's life at the moment! I warmed up and listened to what was now a constant roar of wind, with whopping gusts occurring for good measure.  The next day we found out the winds topped 75MPH constant and over 100MPH in gusts.  We also found 20 or so of the huge pines had met their fate...3 across the driveway with 4 or 5 more uprooted and leaning...one in the large pasture, snapped at the base, and many in the perimeter down or leaning.  One at the pasture entrance had crushed the metal gate.....it looked like a pile of flat pipes on the ground....the trunk wedged between the plow blade and attachment to the snowplow for the truck.  Lost a large Cedar, which also crushed a fence and another massive pine that took off the corner of the overhang on the barn....it looked like a war zone.  Back by the swings there were 3 large ones snapped, all missing the swing set and a whole group of them precariously leaning on others...destined to also come down.  It was a most depressing sight.  When we were able to move the trees from the driveway, my husband set off to try and help the folks that needed tarps for roofs that had trees through them.  He has been running non stop from 5am to 8 or 9 pm daily for the past 2 weeks, trying to get to as many folks as he can....but we are a very small operation, with only a couple crews.  By day 7 of no power and being lied to by the power company, everyones nerves were frazzled.  We had just been through this the fall before due to a snowstorm that came around Halloween, while autumn leaves were still on the trees...we had no power for 9 days.....this appeared to be even worse.

I just decided to post this shot...taken the day after the electrons returned to my wires.  The joy on my face is so evident!  It was 66 degrees, sunny and warm....i had not been out to shoot in two weeks, and just needed....REALLY needed a day of fun!  This shot was taken by my dear friend Sharon.  She sent it to me to use an my icon shot for Facebook.  i am very self critical and most shots end up in the delete bin.....but i LOVE this shot!  She captured my soul and my being!!

I hope that everyone is healing and helping those in need from this devastating storm.  Being the beach person i am, my heart breaks for the people of the coast...and i do hope that people with cell phones, that can spare a donation, will text 90999 (Red Cross, Disaster Relief for the Hurricane Victims) and allow a $10.00 donation to them to help.  We are Jersey Strong, and we will be Jersey Restored Strong.
I have donated and also taken a load of winter coats.  Pay it forward for my blessings is what i do.
Have a wonderful and thankful Thanksgiving, all.

Looking Down...another perspective of life.

I think i have been missing for awhile.   For those of you that are new to my world, i happily got a new grand bean in September and have been very busy with all sorts of bits of life for the past month.  i am making progress catching up, only to find that other things have slipped to the back burner...and so it goes.

i am preparing to host my fall boutique the week of November 10th, with a number of artists joining me.  I am grateful i have so many people around me that make beautiful things, and that there are so many that know the value of these beautiful homemade gifts to give their family and friends over the holidays.  I did the boutique for 16 years....then took a hiatus to help my sister in law with her twins that were born premature.  I kind of "let it go" after that, much to the disappointment of my artist friends and my great bunch of shoppers!  Suffice it to say, people were still asking "when are you going to open The Shepherd's Daughter Boutique again!?  I miss that!"  SO....this year i caved.  I lost my job in June, and thought, why not.  i will have more time to devote to it and can stay open the whole week instead of just opening on weekends like i used to.

I must be certifiably insane, as i began my photography business in January and things as they usually are, are slow to start....but now of course they are picking up....right when i need to gear up for this event...AND a big shoot this coming weekend!  One thing i can not do is take a little time to play...i know what happens if i don't, and it is not a pretty sight!  My classes with Kim Klassen are a huge part of my sanity keeping repitoire, and this weeks challenge was try looking down shots.  It just to happens that last week, i did just that!  As i walked past 2 of my sweet beans, i glanced down at them on the flor and what i saw was a whole new view of Lileigh Grace and her brother, Noah.  She spends a lot of time taking things away from him and not sharing....after being the "one and only" for a little over 2 years, and finally realizing he is not going back where he came from, she seems to finally be making peace with the whole thing!  Here, she feeds him from his sippy cup,  "Because, Mmmm-ma, he spills."
she tells me matter of factly.

Km, this is for you.  I had no time to stand on a chair yet this week, and these two looked so cute from my above view!  I hope you enjoy seeing part of my world from another perspective!

Soar....as best you can!

I am SOOOOOO behind in my lessons, thanks to a month away to help my daughter as a labor coach and to become settled into the lovely disruptive routine that babies bring!  I am struggling to catch up...but making slow progress, juggling between 3 of Kim Klassen's classes.  I am seriously considering nominating her for sainthood, for her patience with me! I may crack her yet...she has not gotten my questions of the day today! ;)

The lesson in Beyond Layers today was in Photoshop and holy cow, do I need help learning that!  I was beginning to think I was REALLY, SERIOUSLY in over my head as I watched Day 72's video!
(Thus the questions I will be submitting to her shortly!)

The top photo was my original shot....so to practice the cloning tool, which I am used to in Elements (altho i can't seem to make it larger than a set size there) I moved the Pelican and got rid of his other foot splash.  I added text and texture, and futzed with some opacity and blends and did a little erasing of my over zealous work with the paintbrush tool!

I am not totally thrilled with it, but am pleased that I was able to follow the steps....sort of...sometimes after a few DUH! moments!

Bottom line!  We can ALL SOAR....at our own pace and in our own time!  Believe!!

OK....back to the computer for more catch up time!

My Littlest Big Interruption!

Life has a way of throwing curves...at my age you would think i would know and expect that!  Enter Luke Maddox...Sept. 5th 2012.

My daughter was due on Sept. 2nd.  Her doctors told her they would induce her the week before so he would not be too big for her to deliver.  She was a high risk pregnancy for most of it, and they wanted no issues.  They set up a tentative date for induction....Tuesday,  August 28th...with the words:
 "Don't think you will make it through the weekend."  The weekend came and went.  Monday she went to her doctor visit and they decided to cancel the induction, because Luke was not in exactly the right place and that meant inducing would increase her likelihood of a C-section.  She was told..."things are progressing...so probably before the weekend." Ok....now i have been here a full week because of the first indication of impending birth. (It is a 5.5 hour drive to her house and she wanted someone here, since her husband was going to work until the day she went into labor.) Another week, and weekend passed....no Luke.  Another doctor visit, scheduled for Tuesday the 4th....and she wakes Tuesday morning in labor.  OK!  Here we go!!  2 days past her due date but that's ok...we are ready! (she more than anyone)

To make a long story short....missed her Tuesday doctor appt.....intense labor for 21 hours and 2 hours of pushing....and they decide it was C-section time at 4:00am on Wed. the 5th....Great Grandma's birthday!  By 4:30 am, Luke was back in the room, with mama and daddy....and me!  i was there as a labor coach, along with my son in law, but when it got to be delivery by c-section, i had to stay behind and wait...but not long for the happy moment!

I have been quite busy for the past 2 weeks.  My daughter was hit with a wicked bout of postpartum depression and so i opted to stay thru this week, when her husband had to return to work.  I am enjoying my time here, but working hard to make it all easier for my daughter.  She is finally beginning to feel better and calmer...  more self assured that she can handle things and is getting some sleep. i am getting some precious bonding time with my 3rd little grand bean...and will be supremely sad when it is my time to go home.  Luke is doing well...in just 9 days has gained 11 oz., and is sleeping in 3-4.5 hour stretches overnight.  I, on the other hand have a lot of catching up to do....both back home in NJ and with my 3 classes...blessings to  my teacher Kim for being the amazing and sweet, understanding teacher she is!

Yes, babies may be tiny, but they bring an avalanche of big delightful changes to your life!

Circles Today...Lazy Ones While We Wait....

 NYC is a great place to find shapes....the angled shapes of buildings, and their accents, to the wheels of cars and bikes, or circular bubbles in Central Park.  Below the steering wheel and gages of a vintage car, and even the rounded shape of the dashboard are circular.

There is no time here at the moment to go on a hunt for more circles....trying to be patient and take care of my daughter and do laundry...decide what to make for dinner, all the things that hopefully will make the time go faster before Luke's arrival.  waiting really is the hardest thing!
hope you have a wonderful day..and i promise more interesting blogs when life settles to a dull roar here! :D

Behind the Scenes...A Journey I Choose to Take

 Me.....i am getting better at doing that self portrait thing...but sometime i am still a goof ball!  This chicken came in very handy at a point that i had to do SP's for Kim's Beyond Layers class....it distracted me from the task at hand.  i am just glad no one drove down the lane to the house and witnessed this...i already have a reputation of being a bit crazy!

i have come a long....L O N G way from just a year ago....and rather than repeat myself, you can read my beginning in my very first post in this blog.  I try not to repeat myself...my kids have trained me that to do that is REALLY annoying!! Sometimes i listen to them....other times not so much!  It is another part of my learning to be the me i was born to be. :)  The not listening part, i mean!

 Art is my passion...photography in particular.  I have rediscovered my love for it over the course of the past five or six years. (When all my girls were away at college, and i finally had a little time)  I never felt i had any particular talent.  That is explained in the my first blog story as well.  I am to the point now that i believe i do have some (talent that is).....not so sure HOW much, but with all the support that i have gotten in the past few years, i have begun to believe in me.

 As you can see, i can honestly say i have no particular "specialty", i just love photographing everything.  "Decrepitude" is one of my favorite things.  i love old things and primitives for decorating, and antique accents. chairs and quilts.  This old barber chair was part of Eastern State Penitentiary, in Philadelphia.  A fascinating place to shoot, with all of the texture.  i used the shots i took here to learn how to do HDR. it was a fun shoot and interesting to learn the whole HDR thing!

 I am a grandma (OUCH! i hate that word).  I am waaaaaay too young to be a grandma, so my friends all call me Avia!!  It means grandmother in Latin and i just think it is more "me".  Grandma is MY mom, that little teeny, white haired, 82 year old that lives in Florida!  My daughter's steadfastly refuse to use that term.  They decided the kids will call me whatever they will call me....so Lileigh Grace has christened me Mmmm-ma! Noah Jacob is too little yet to call me anything....and Luke Maddox is due any moment....literally, as my daughter is having contractions as i type!  I am very excited....i will be one of the birthing coaches, perhaps tonight....so i better type faster!

Soooo...this is pretty much my first blog entry for Behind the Scenes.  I do hope to get the hang of this. I told Kim and Xanthe that after reading their introductions about WHY? that i was kind of a blend of both of them.  Like Kim i have been pretty much a quiet artist, as a kid and adult.  A few close friends...but shy and reserved in high school, who loved to hang out in the "Art House", where the art classes took place.  (I also love to read.)  Like Xanthe, i just began my own business as a photographer....with the verbal encouragement from a few close friends that find what i do to be special and "a gift".  It is the first real encouragement i have ever gotten, to pursue what i dearly love.  i am forever indebted to them for keeping the pressure on me to recognize that and make the effort to live my long put on hold dream.

i look forward to this whole adventure, and to meeting my classmates and sharing ideas.  I am hoping i have as much to offer as i desire to take from all of you!  My why? is because i have discovered how much i love to write....and because i need to reach out to others if i expect to succeed at my passion.  i have no idea how, so what better way than to do this kind of class where i can learn and meet new friends with interesting idea's and beautiful art!
For the moment, trust that i am a wonky soul with a huge humor gene and the best of intentions in whatever i attempt here, but face plants and scar creation is always possible and quite probable!!! i am learning to deal with that and not call myself a failure, or allow anyone else to.  Thanks for understanding! :)

SQUARES...

I decided to begin with squares for my Beyond Layers assignment this week.  Beginning with an archive shot from last summer, during my very exciting trip to meet a flickr friend, who has become a sister-friend to me.  I miss her, and wish she and i lived closer together....her stream on flickr is beautiful, she is talented, fun and "pageant pretty", i call her my Texas Red and i love her....


This was taken in San Antonio, at one of the Missions.  I like shapes....being the artsy sort, they tend to jump out at me!  altho i am ok with things asymmetrical, the symmetry created by shapes is very pleasing to the eye photographically.  Most of my friends find it hard to deal with the asymmetrical things i shoot or art pieces that i make....so it must be an art/eye thing or something, because i can go either way with that!!
I will be out today looking for more squares while my daughter goes to the doctor for her update on Luke's arrival....which is schedule for tomorrow at 5am....unless they cause it to happen later today or tonight instead!

Keep smiling!!

Some Days Are More Tumbly Than Others

i am really not all that much of a drinker....of any sort.  Probably a bad thing, but i do LOVE my English Tea!  It is my "wake up call" each morning.  I love the smell of fresh coffee....but for some strange reason i can not drink it without getting a violent stomach ache.  I can eat coffee ice cream (my favorite with hot fudge!) or anything else with coffee flavor, just not the real thing.  Tea of just about any flavor (no Camomile please, yuck!!) is my thing.  I have to have it with caffeine when i first wake up...after that it can be any other kind, and it can not be in a whimpy cup....i want a BIG mug....like my Winnie the Pooh mug....or my Don't Mess with Texas Mug....or my Keep Austin Weird Mug!

I am still waiting on Luke...sigh....can't wait to meet my 3rd Grand Bean!!! :)
Thanks for stopping by!

View From My Door Window!?

i am away....still.....waiting for Luke Maddox to decide to vacate the womb of my daughter.  He is restless but hanging in there!

since i am not home to snap a shot from any of my windows, i went back into the archives of my flickr pages and sets and found this shot of a view from the window of my front door in the 1826 section of the house.  We rarely use this door other than to let in sunshine!  It is the dining room actually.  The door we use is on the middle section of the house....the part that was actually the original farmhouse....one room with a sleeping loft built in the mid 1700's.  The view from that door is similar to this, without the sidewalk and lamp post....and with more picket fence and lawn.

Our home was once part of 700+ acre Dairy farm back in the 1700 and 1800's.  We are on the last 8 acres....the rest having been sold off to developers long ago. There is a 3rd section to the house that was added in 1920....as a summer kitchen, so they would not have to use the fireplace....and then in 1930 the owners there decided to add a REAL kitchen, with a mudroom and 2 garages with an apartment above, for an elderly aunt and uncle to live in.

In this shot, Kohl decided to meander into the doorway to watch for birds and squirrels....she is my little trouble maker, along with her sister Aura and her "brother" Loki.

Tomorrow i shall add my favorite drink....since i missed the opportunity today to photograph it....as long as Luke does not decide to start his arrival in the wee smalls of the morning....then all bets are off!!!

Babies are so unpredictable!!

Pieces of Me....for real....

These are my feet....i did bring those to Virginia with me!  I sort of need them the way my girls keep me dancing, and dodging!  I could not do the "my favorite chair", since i am not home....but here, my favorite chair is collecting laundry that is clean and folded, waiting to be taken upstairs and put away when the other load is done!  So, perhaps later i will get that one done!!
i am trying to get caught up here...bear with me.  I took a lunch break with my daughter, and she is now napping on the sofa....she had about 2 hours of sleep last night.  i feel like Luke is preparing her for the insomnia she is going to develop after his birth!!  
Happy Hump Day!!

Pieces of Me...in a sense...

Hi!  I am doing the best i can, but showing you pieces of me this week is a tough go!  I am in Virginia again....3X in 2 weeks......so much going on with 2 of my daughters.  Job interview for my youngest....2 days after we got home she found out she got the job.....2 days later we were on our way back down to find her a place to live....thought that was under control...thought was the operative word here.  The roommate took the check, gave her a key on Saturday past, and told her to go ahead and let herself in to unpack.  When said roommate came home from work, she claimed that she did not know my daughter's little Pom mix would be living there too.  (in spite of an email to her to the contrary and the fact that we brought the dog to make sure her dog got along with my daughter's dog....) Back to square one.  This all happened on Monday with bunches of her stuff unpacked having to be repacked....Monday night i got the frantic call about that AND my oldest daughter's call, asking how i felt about heading back down to HER house, to wait for Luke Maddox's birth....seems her doctors feel it may be this week by the look of things down under!!  SO, yesterday i popped back into the car for another 6 hour drive through the Eastern Corridor on I-95!  

when i realized i missed 2 days of assignments i was frantic....but the best i could do right now was play today and try to catch up....using my daughters house for the moment!!  (i promise when i get to my favorite drink and my feet, they will be mine!!!)

With things frantically happening around me i am doing my best to stay even keel....looking forward to 2 more classes i am in with Kim, even if it means playing catch up in the wee small hours while everyone else is sleeping!!! 
Isn't life just grand!!? 

Sweet Dreams, Sweet Dreamer

There is nothing so sweet as peaceful slumber after a long day laughing and playing.  The innocence of a sleeping child is just beautiful to behold. Watching them in their slumber is heartwarming, and makes me think of how wonder filled the world is in their eyes.  Blessed are those that see life through the eyes of a child.

Textures:  Dream it and Dreams, Kim Klassen
Little Dreamer:  My sweetest bean, Lileigh Grace

Light Painting of a Different Kind

Today’s lesson was a lot of fun.  It was a different form of light painting than the one i tried a couple weeks ago with my daughter!  We used glow sticks and flash lights and i learned to take photos of pictures and words drawn with lights in the dark!  (More experiments with that to follow!)

This light painting is less hit or miss than the other, and just as fun. Learning how to use the tools in Elements and CS5 are always a challenge for me...i am SO very technically inept....but Kim is patient, thorough and oh, so kind and i am determined, which seems to be exactly the ticket for me to finally get it!

Bottom shot is the original...top shot is the light painted version....i like them both but i think the light painted version has a subtle softness....sort of a dreamy boudoir feeling to it!  i am sure i will be using the light painting for faces...i am certain that will be an excellent way to make my portraits even more beautiful!!  Once again, Thank you Kim for all your hard work on our behalf with these recipes and lessons!!

Tiny Dancers...A Thank you to Kim

I wanted to send you a little something special in the way of thanks for taking the time from your crazy busy life to talk with us today on Hang Out.....even tho i only got to be there for a few moments, thanks to the typical technical issues i seem to attract, and my total ineptness at repairing them! To my credit, i even reinstalled the plugin while i was “down”, only to get the same result as before i reinstalled it.....nothing! sigh....it is SO good that God blessed me with a big humor gene, because this sort of thing is my lot in life!!

There are so many things to thank you for....your knowledge, your willingness to share it with others, your complete and utter calm even when i ask some of the strangest or stupidest questions out there!! Your belief in all of us as valued artists....that alone is worth SO much to me. I know i am not nearly as amazing as you think i am...but just you thinking i am is enough to make me strive to BE that amazing! Confidence is coming.....i am so far removed from the me that began your classes about a year ago. THIS dream of yours...this Beyond Layers class is SO very incredible to me. I have met so very many talented people through this, and have learned so much that some days my brain just feels like it will not hold another thing....and i push on and hunger for more! I really think that my love of learning is trying to make up for the time spent in school when i would rather not have been doing that!!! Yes, i am a late bloomer in so many ways.....but i can embrace that! No shame!

A message to ALL the Beyonders out there....Kim is SO right. WE ALL are amazing in our own way....but like pebbles on a beach we are all unique and need to embrace that uniqueness and run with it! Be not afraid....there are amazing, wonderful things waiting out there....we just need to keep believing in ourselves. I am finally at peace with me....who i am....and i no longer apologize. i am embracing the me i am and i am running....with scissors! ;)

A word of advice for those who do not like what they see ....don’t watch!

Book Spine Poetry

Something new and fun....poetry, made by stacking books, with the titles on the spines showing to make a little poem, or a big poem for that matter!  When i saw this, i thought, “oh, no!  I am going to get thrown out of the local library for sure now!”, but i vowed i was going to give it a try.
Silly me....all i had to do was go upstairs to throw my laundry in the dryer, pass my bookshelf, and there on the shelves was my first ever Book Spine Poem.  It may not be a classic.....or even close ;), but it was fun to do and i will do more when i get the time.
I hope you enjoy my little try at this, and that you give it a try yourself... it sparks the creative and stokes the need to try new and different things! Thank you Kim, for always inspiring!!

Focus

....ahhhh, yes.  Focus.   Something that at times is so elusive to me. This time it is not my excuse for lagging so far behind in my Beyond Layers class.  My Mac has been giving me fits with strange glitches and the Mac Geniuses had this brilliant idea that it should go to the Mac Hospital for ....oh, 5 excruciating days that turned into 9 horrendously excruciating days....each of which put me further behind on things that desperately needed doing. I got the Mac back...i Macnapped it on Wednesday evening, just in time to head down to Virginia (a 5 hour drive) to help with my oldest daughter’s baby shower.  My weekend has schedule has given new meaning to juggling time...as i find myself desperately trying to do several things at one time...including FOCUS!  i become very scattered when i have so many balls in the air!  Tonight, i decided i had had enough of spreading myself so thin....and after dinner, i excused myself to concentrate on just ONE thing.  Getting ONE of the 6 assignments i missed finished.  it is now 1:30 am and FINALLY i have something to show for my efforts!  tomorrow there will be blessed little time to breathe, let alone create, but i am hopeful that tomorrow NIGHT i can steal away a wee bit early and FOCUS on another assignment...or possibly the short Bio i need to do for a donation i made of a piece of artwork for a fundraiser....right now i can finally FOCUS on my pillow and some sleep! :)

Pattern Play Experiment!

Just a quick one this morning....it is my early in and early out at work....and Blessed Be....it is FRIDAY!!!  i thought it would never arrive....been a long and stressful week of eel herding!!
Day 35 ....KK Beyond Lesson experiment!   PATTERN PLAY!    wish i could stay here and play with this all day!  More to come later this evening i hope!  have a beautiful Friday!

Change.....Chance..........Windows of Opportunity.   They are all around us all the time, we need only open our eyes, hearts and minds to really SEE them.  In the past year i have made two very big changes in my life. They centered on “me”....which may seem selfish, but in reality it was just what the doctor ordered. i made a decision to grow stronger and more confident, to take control of my life instead of being controlled. It was stressful and at times heart wrenching, but after four months of therapy i finally realized that only i can make decisions that directly impact me and my well being. I have spent most of my life trying to juggle the ball of pleasing everyone else...to the point that when i finally was strong enough to know i was a person in my own right, i was met with tremendous resistance from my family and even some friends...people not used to me asserting myself and my opinions.  They will get used to it....eventually.  They may never really understand it....but i am so much happier and healthier when i am not keeping everything inside of me. 
The second thing i did was make my own decision to travel out of state to visit a friend i made on Flickr.  There was just something about her personality....i had a feeling inside me that i needed to meet her, shoot with her....trade knowledge and learn from her.  i just felt connected.  I made the decision to take her up on her invite to visit with her.  I was the right decision.  I booked the trip last August, in the middle of the  biggest, baddest draught that Texas ever had!  My 5 days spent with her, was spent touring places that were fascinating and beautiful, in 100+ degree temps!  Her husband would wake each morning to get ready for work, and pack us a cooler of water and gatorade to make sure we stayed hydrated.  We had a ball!! My family was totally freaked out that i was going to fly down and spend time with someone i did not “know”!   They were sure i was going to be whisked of to Mexico and placed in a sex slave hotel, never to be heard from again!  THAT one made me laugh out loud!!  I have met other Flickr friends in person....a total of 10 now, and it has opened windows of opportunity i never dreamed of.  i have always been the friendly sort, but very shy and reserved....never making a first move....hanging back and waiting for “the right time”, or “when i feel comfortable”.  That choice to grow more confident and stronger....to believe in myself, was truly the most frightening thing i have ever done....but it certainly has brought me tremendous rewards.  I know now what it means to “go with your gut”....those feelings that come out of nowhere and tell you to do or not do something.  They are a combination of "things learned and experiences had"....and they are an incredibly accurate measure of how things will turn out.
SO....GO with your gut....be brave....be fearless.......head for those beautiful windows of opportunity and climb through them with confidence!!  The rewards await on the other side!

WINDOWS OF OPPORTUNITY

Change.....Chance..........Windows of Opportunity.   They are all around us all the time, we need only open our eyes, hearts and minds to really SEE them.  In the past year i have made two very big changes in my life. They centered on “me”....which may seem selfish, but in reality it was just what the doctor ordered. i made a decision to grow stronger and more confident, to take control of my life instead of being controlled. It was stressful and at times heart wrenching, but after four months of therapy i finally realized that only i can make decisions that directly impact me and my well being. I have spent most of my life trying to juggle the ball of pleasing everyone else...to the point that when i finally was strong enough to know i was a person in my own right, i was met with tremendous resistance from my family and even some friends...people not used to me asserting myself and my opinions.  They will get used to it....eventually.  They may never really understand it....but i am so much happier and healthier when i am not keeping everything inside of me. 
The second thing i did was make my own decision to travel out of state to visit a friend i made on Flickr.  There was just something about her personality....i had a feeling inside me that i needed to meet her, shoot with her....trade knowledge and learn from her.  i just felt connected.  I made the decision to take her up on her invite to visit with her.  I was the right decision.  I booked the trip last August, in the middle of the  biggest, baddest draught that Texas ever had!  My 5 days spent with her, was spent touring places that were fascinating and beautiful, in 100+ degree temps!  Her husband would wake each morning to get ready for work, and pack us a cooler of water and gatorade to make sure we stayed hydrated.  We had a ball!! My family was totally freaked out that i was going to fly down and spend time with someone i did not “know”!   They were sure i was going to be whisked of to Mexico and placed in a sex slave hotel, never to be heard from again!  THAT one made me laugh out loud!!  I have met other Flickr friends in person....a total of 10 now, and it has opened windows of opportunity i never dreamed of.  i have always been the friendly sort, but very shy and reserved....never making a first move....hanging back and waiting for “the right time”, or “when i feel comfortable”.  That choice to grow more confident and stronger....to believe in myself, was truly the most frightening thing i have ever done....but it certainly has brought me tremendous rewards.  I know now what it means to “go with your gut”....those feelings that come out of nowhere and tell you to do or not do something.  They are a combination of "things learned and experiences had"....and they are an incredibly accurate measure of how things will turn out.
SO....GO with your gut....be brave....be fearless.......head for those beautiful windows of opportunity and climb through them with confidence!!  The rewards await on the other side!

Alone...

My creativity lives in a place called Alone. It is a quiet place....a secret place that you can not find on a map. Alone is situated someplace between my heart and my mind, but sometimes seems more one place than the other. It is a serene place, light sometimes and dark others. Gentle most of the time, but roaring occasionally, taking me by surprise. I LOVE Alone.....both the serenity and the passion it brings. It is where i retreat to when i need to recharge....like my own ocean and sunshine combined....where i feel at peace usually, but sometimes excited, wild and free.
Everyone has an Alone.....possibly quite different than mine and for different reasons....but it is a wonderful place, don’t you agree?? Have a most wonderful Tuesday, friends!


The flowers in the second post here were such a welcome early spring sight to me after a very long winter....not cold, really, but just depressing and dreary.  The only good thing was it gave me a long time to think about things happening in my life and led me to a decision that i felt i had to make.  It was thought of long and hard....and i felt that i had given it my best shot, but sometimes things are just not meant to continue as they are and changes need to be made.  it was within the past few months that i decided that i am no longer anyones doormat....and i have finally allowed my pain of a life half lived to be changed to a life being lived without fear or hurt.....i have learned i have a voice and feelings and am deserving of respect.  Not everyone is going to like me...and that is ok....as long as i look in the mirror and I LIKE the me looking back.  No one can know all of me....except God...and when the time comes, i think he will be glad he knew me! Just remember:  Doing what is easy is not always right....doing what is right is not always easy.

BRAVERY

Bravery...

Ahhhhhhhhh....yes.  Bravery. Just the word conjures “not me” in my mind.   It conjures soldiers, fighting to keep us safe from harm.  It conjures firemen and women, rushing into burning buildings, or SWAT teams aiding the rescue of hostages.....it definitely does not conjure the image of me.

I know i must be a little brave...somewhere, deep down inside me.  I feel a tiny bit of it now and then when i step (or fall) out of my comfort zone, trying something new.  The survival of a new experience is huge for me...i have always been rather shy and timid, and perfectly content to stay put and do as i was told.  Adventure was a scary word in my vocabulary for so very many years.

It has just been in the past 3 years that i have begun to feel like i am really living my life...being shy and unsure of myself as a person was holding me back.  It was keeping me from fun.  It was keeping me locked up inside watching the world go by around me.

just joining flickr was a huge step for me....letting someone into my world through photographs i was sure no one would want to see.....let alone comment on, or praise me for.  It was a way for me to try, anonymously almost, to see if i had any talent with photography.  So there...as lame as that was, it was a moment of bravery for me.

As i began to get comments, and favorites from people, i began to feel ever so slightly different about myself and my abilities....like a flower opening in time lapse photography, i am becoming the me i locked away inside for years and years.

I began to be interested in so many places....and meeting the people that i bantered with on Flickr.  They were interesting and fun, and funny....oh, so funny!  i LOVE funny!  I allowed myself to open up a bit more, as each year passed.  I began to make plans to meet some of them in person...be brave and take chances i never would have done just a few years ago.  i am still LEARNING to be brave...small steps at a time, and the joy it brings with each fear i conquer is such a good feeling.

I still do not consider myself a brave person.  i have a long way to go before i would call myself that....but i am proud that i am learning....reaching.....trying to be a brave and adventurous person.  i am getting stronger with each attempt...especially the failures...which i now call “learning experiences”.  That just seems to be a better name, for i am NOT a failure....i am a work in progress.

I try to follow Eleanor Roosevelt’s advice:  "Do something that scares you everyday.”

start small....(i am terrified of snakes...i am working my way up to the real thing, uncaged...but for now, i am only up to viewing them in the glass cases from about 5 or 6 ft away....)

i am afraid of heights...a 3 step ladder can send me into hand numbness and bone chilling fear...but i try, when i have to reach something high, rather than wait and ask someone taller later.  

I LOVE the beach....it is my go to place for my soul....but the ocean scares me.  i simply can not get into it and swim.  i will walk for hours along the edge and let it nip at my ankles and calves....but each year when i am there i attempt on a calmer day to enter it and keep my trepidation under control.

There is BRAVERY in ALL of us....you are brave each time you step out of that zone of comfort....that fortress wall you have around you, and each time you do, your bravery grows.  Go forth and BE BRAVE!

Self Portraits....Yep, I Hate Them!

OK, then....here are the “TOLERABLE” self portrait shots i have done....i despise being in front of the camera....so many flaws.....but i am trying.  really.  someone once said to me “what will your family have to remember you with if you are always the one taking the photos?”  i suppose they are right, but i just have SUCH problems getting in front....behind it is where i belong and am comfortable.  A couple years ago, when i joined flickr, i had a friend challenge me to do some SP’s....step out of my comfort zone and give it a shot.  I took some....many of which were just clowning around...distracting myself by being silly.  i can honestly say i deleted every one of them and must have tried to meet the challenge for about a week. The bottom shot in this set was the first successful one i took.  it was not horrendous...so i kept it.  The next time i went out to try was easier....it was a silly shot to emphasize i was not a
Grandma in many senses of the word Grandma...and i have kept that because it made people laugh. (it is not here!)  the RR tracks were during a pensive, wanderlust moment...i love to travel and had been thinking for days about the need to get away.
The top shot was taken recently, i went to visit a “Ghost Town” in Northwestern NJ....and for whatever reason, i seem always able to catch a reflection shot in OLD windows....yet mirrors elude me!  AND finally, the 2nd and third shots from the top were taken on a glorious summer like day in February...rare in these parts, when i said to myself, “Self...you need to try an SP again...it has been a while without a reflection.  You need to do YOU!”  I am not thrilled with them...but like i said....i AM trying!
i am also in need of more convincing that this is the best way for my family to remember me!!
Looking forward to meeting you all through your self portraits! :D

SUMMER RED!

In the interest of equal time to my “beans”, Noah graciously modeled RED for today’s Kim Klassen Beyond Layers challenge!  For some reason my flickr page would not load onto the Kim Klassen page today for color red shots...sigh....somedays it is a crap shoot to get it to show up without that little blue bird and other days it is no problem...
anyway....i am in the process of making 2 sample books to showcase my portraits....and so i have no time to futz with it right now.  Hopefully by sending it though my blog will make it show up!  More than one way to peel a banana (i just made that up because i hate the “skin a cat” phrase....i am a crazy cat lady at heart!


http://www.flickr.com/photos/captured_echoes/6862308156/in/photostream



Hope you all have a vibrant, RED hot Friday!! WOOOO HOOOOOOOOO!  The weekend is upon us!!

Victoria Blue :)

©2012 Susan Ogden-All Rights Reserved Images Thruthelookingglass



I love blue flowers~ This little wild flower is probably a huge nuisance to a whole bunch of people who take pride in their lawns around here, but when it takes over an area in the spring, it is simply stunning!  It is such a clear, beautiful shade of blue. i have no idea what it is though.  Just found out it is “Victoria”.  (That’s my sister’s name!)
Even though i love blue flowers, mainly because true blue is hard to find in flowers, most tending toward purple....i have finally decided that my very favorite flower is the Sunflower.  They make me smile, they make my heart happy!  I have begun to make a tradition of buying myself some when i go to the beach, to put on my kitchen table there.  all i need do is look at them and i smile!  They just have such an upbeat look about them....like sunshine on a stem!

Hope your Faux Friday was wonderful.  i had the best day of the whole week so far...the eels were much better behaved today!  Tomorrow is FRIDAY!!!  OH, i DO love Friday....May you make the most of YOUR lead in to the weekend!  I do not even care that it is going to rain! :)  it is spring in NJ...and at least it is not the S word!!!

HELLO YELLOW!

Well, Hello Yellow!!!!   Spring has sprung with a vengeance here in Northwestern NJ...and i could not be happier!  The Daffodils are up and awake...and after the past few days in the 70’s the forsythia is popping! Yellow seems to be the first color to wake up.  The Orchid shot was taken today after work, since i needed something YELLOW for the Beyond Layers class (Kim Klassen....love her!!).  I did try and make it easy on myself and take a shot of the school buses lined up in the parking lot at school....but i was not fond of them soooo....off i went to the Orchid Greenhouse to find me some yellow there!  The other shots are archive shots.  i never realized how many yellow shots have taken, until i began to look through my flower folder!

ANOTHER busy day tomorrow with my grandbeans in the morning....and eel herding in the afternoon...due for another gorgeous day in the 70’s and sunny.....oh, how “sunny” makes me smile. i treated myself to 3 bunches of sunflowers today, and as i was driving home, i decided that they are OFFICIALLY my favorite flower!

I hope you all had a great day chasing yellow....can’t wait to see what tomorrow brings!

Face Your Fears!

©2012 Susan Ogden-All Rights Reserved Images Thruthelookingglass

View on Black

Challenge... Day 16 Kim Klassen/Beyond Layers

Face Your Fears: Eastern State Penitentiary, Philadelphia, Pa. processed with Nik Silver Effex Pro, and added fonts: You Murderer and Skullphabet from dafont.com

I love this scary challenge of facing fears. I, much like Kim have had a cojoined twin called FEAR, for far too long. This past year, with the help of some incredible angels i have had the pleasure of calling friends, and who have walked by my side without ever even knowing they were doing it, my constant fears are almost gone! Thanks to them, with all their confidence in me and love for me, i AM facing my fears, and i AM winning! I honestly think they were each sent to me at the exact moment i needed them most, from God. My biggest achievement this past year has been learning to believe that i am a person in my own right. I am more than a mom, a wife, a sister, a daughter..... I am talented and good. i am worthwhile, and capable. I have value....and YES....i DO have talent that deserves to be nurtured, praised and encouraged. This came as quite a shock to me....but i am doing my best to embrace what i have been born with....craziness and all! The difference in me in the past year has been met head on with negativity, but i am forging ahead....i am believing i can succeed and it no longer matters to me that “maybe” i won’t succeed and “maybe” i will fall on my face.....because the fact that i now believe in myself is the best prize of all, i am happier than ever inside. The only failure is not to try.