BRAVERY

Bravery...

Ahhhhhhhhh....yes.  Bravery. Just the word conjures “not me” in my mind.   It conjures soldiers, fighting to keep us safe from harm.  It conjures firemen and women, rushing into burning buildings, or SWAT teams aiding the rescue of hostages.....it definitely does not conjure the image of me.

I know i must be a little brave...somewhere, deep down inside me.  I feel a tiny bit of it now and then when i step (or fall) out of my comfort zone, trying something new.  The survival of a new experience is huge for me...i have always been rather shy and timid, and perfectly content to stay put and do as i was told.  Adventure was a scary word in my vocabulary for so very many years.

It has just been in the past 3 years that i have begun to feel like i am really living my life...being shy and unsure of myself as a person was holding me back.  It was keeping me from fun.  It was keeping me locked up inside watching the world go by around me.

just joining flickr was a huge step for me....letting someone into my world through photographs i was sure no one would want to see.....let alone comment on, or praise me for.  It was a way for me to try, anonymously almost, to see if i had any talent with photography.  So there...as lame as that was, it was a moment of bravery for me.

As i began to get comments, and favorites from people, i began to feel ever so slightly different about myself and my abilities....like a flower opening in time lapse photography, i am becoming the me i locked away inside for years and years.

I began to be interested in so many places....and meeting the people that i bantered with on Flickr.  They were interesting and fun, and funny....oh, so funny!  i LOVE funny!  I allowed myself to open up a bit more, as each year passed.  I began to make plans to meet some of them in person...be brave and take chances i never would have done just a few years ago.  i am still LEARNING to be brave...small steps at a time, and the joy it brings with each fear i conquer is such a good feeling.

I still do not consider myself a brave person.  i have a long way to go before i would call myself that....but i am proud that i am learning....reaching.....trying to be a brave and adventurous person.  i am getting stronger with each attempt...especially the failures...which i now call “learning experiences”.  That just seems to be a better name, for i am NOT a failure....i am a work in progress.

I try to follow Eleanor Roosevelt’s advice:  "Do something that scares you everyday.”

start small....(i am terrified of snakes...i am working my way up to the real thing, uncaged...but for now, i am only up to viewing them in the glass cases from about 5 or 6 ft away....)

i am afraid of heights...a 3 step ladder can send me into hand numbness and bone chilling fear...but i try, when i have to reach something high, rather than wait and ask someone taller later.  

I LOVE the beach....it is my go to place for my soul....but the ocean scares me.  i simply can not get into it and swim.  i will walk for hours along the edge and let it nip at my ankles and calves....but each year when i am there i attempt on a calmer day to enter it and keep my trepidation under control.

There is BRAVERY in ALL of us....you are brave each time you step out of that zone of comfort....that fortress wall you have around you, and each time you do, your bravery grows.  Go forth and BE BRAVE!

Self Portraits....Yep, I Hate Them!

OK, then....here are the “TOLERABLE” self portrait shots i have done....i despise being in front of the camera....so many flaws.....but i am trying.  really.  someone once said to me “what will your family have to remember you with if you are always the one taking the photos?”  i suppose they are right, but i just have SUCH problems getting in front....behind it is where i belong and am comfortable.  A couple years ago, when i joined flickr, i had a friend challenge me to do some SP’s....step out of my comfort zone and give it a shot.  I took some....many of which were just clowning around...distracting myself by being silly.  i can honestly say i deleted every one of them and must have tried to meet the challenge for about a week. The bottom shot in this set was the first successful one i took.  it was not horrendous...so i kept it.  The next time i went out to try was easier....it was a silly shot to emphasize i was not a
Grandma in many senses of the word Grandma...and i have kept that because it made people laugh. (it is not here!)  the RR tracks were during a pensive, wanderlust moment...i love to travel and had been thinking for days about the need to get away.
The top shot was taken recently, i went to visit a “Ghost Town” in Northwestern NJ....and for whatever reason, i seem always able to catch a reflection shot in OLD windows....yet mirrors elude me!  AND finally, the 2nd and third shots from the top were taken on a glorious summer like day in February...rare in these parts, when i said to myself, “Self...you need to try an SP again...it has been a while without a reflection.  You need to do YOU!”  I am not thrilled with them...but like i said....i AM trying!
i am also in need of more convincing that this is the best way for my family to remember me!!
Looking forward to meeting you all through your self portraits! :D